mxolisi dolla sapeta
master
whiteness is always hiding
behind the dark, behind the death
do you want death?
do you want the shadow or do you want blacks?
no i dare not,
everybody wants white because it chases the shadow;
it chases the widow and the blacks
my master is white - my teacher is white - my church is white
and i don’t want the widow and the shadow and the blacks
master rapes my mother when i sleep
and he gives me food in the morning
i love master!
the morning is always thick; my eyes are thick in the morning
i want to sleep and wait for mother to give me food
and i love the sun and food
i hate the morning because father
always wants to beat me in the morning
i want sun and mother;
mother makes me happy and i eat all the food
master makes me work in the garden
and he beats father behind the field
sometimes master rapes father too, sometimes he rapes me
master is a rapist and he hides behind
the widow and shadow and blacks
but i love master ─
i know you want to write a story and i won’t allow that
i don’t want a story and i don’t want all your bad stories
i don’t want you to press a button to tell my story because you lie
your teeth make you lie
your eyes make you bad
and your white smile makes you rape everything
my friend will come at night, my friend is the shadow
my friend does not want your bad stories when mother sleeps
but father wants your stories in the night
father is bad too ─
father and master are big thieves
and they chase each other when mother sleeps
i see those two big thieves from the window
wearing masks and chasing each other every night
master hates father and father hates master
but they smile when they see mother
father rapes mother too
and he does not give me food like master
i want mother to smother father with her big pie
because father likes mother’s big pie
master likes mother’s big pie too, she must smother master too,
those two rapist thieves!
but mother loves the two rapists;
she always gives them her big pie and cries in the morning
i love mother ─
i always see mother tearing apart,
always in the morning with her tears
i want to wipe them with my bare soul
but father wants to drink the tears and get drunk
father is always drunk and hides his food,
mother cries and gives me food
master never cries or gets drunk or smiles
master speaks like a good man but master has a big gun
he wants to shoot father ─
father speaks like a hero but he wants to be like master
i don’t want to be like father or master
i want to be like mother but i won’t give them my big pie
no! i don’t have a big pie like mother,
i won’t be raped and cry in the morning
i won’t be like mother ─
father keeps coming home to hide from master,
master wants father all the time
i hate looking at them from my window ─
master leading with a whip in hand
father follows him carrying his own tears in two full bags
father does not drink his own tears
i know when father and master die i will be a good man
but i won’t drink my own tears like mother
i think she choked and drowned in her own tears
for master and for father ─ i won’t die like that
i will take master’s big gun and shoot him even if he is dead
father too!
i will hunt both of them inside their graves
and kill them again and again
maybe mother can wake then, mother, oh dear mother
i didn’t know who to blame,
but i wanted to blame someone for you
i wanted to blame father but i sleep well when i blame master
it was all his fault, the rapes, the tears and the beatings